So I had this Ah-Ha moment yesterday…
A friend from high school posted a quote from one of her friends who is living Central America (I swear, living in Central/South America culture is the best food for your soul):
“I’ve had a lot of conflicting thoughts about life in the US over the past few days. Is it really worth living there again? I miss the simple things like going to the movies, seeing my favorite bands live and the small comforts of home. Unfortunately, it comes at a cost that is simply too high. Such a large percentage of my life was consumed by a job to support these (lets be honest, completely meaningless) habits that I can no longer sanely justify. I live out of a 50 litre backpack, eat fresh fruit and non GMO food for pennies on the dollar, excercise daily and I couldn’t be happier. I can’t even begin to fathom how I managed to sit for 8 hours a day and be too exhausted to do anything when I went home. Coupled with chronic back pain, fatigue and watching the best years of my life melt away I can’t help but feel I’ve been given the opportunity to experience what living truly is. All the wonderous creative visions have begun to flood my mind again and I paint, draw, and write as many as possible on my own time. It feels like I’ve opened my eyes after being in a coma for 10 years. There are so many opportunities to prolong this voyage all around me and it’s only going to take one to have it last indefinitely. So will I ever return? Most likely, but only to visit.”
Why hello 2-year-ago-version-of-myself… Then I read through my last post before leaving South America, and reminded myself how important it is to actually ask yourself what you really want… Take the time to actually live and things will come together.
… Somewhere along the way I forgot this.
I came to Vitoria not knowing how long I would stay here or what I would be doing – from 1 month to 4 months to a year to another year… I still have no idea how long I’m staying. I have felt like I needed a change. Something. Anything. Go to Korea. Move back to the US. Get a different job. SOMETHING.
You see, I get these questions like:
When are you coming back?
When are you moving home?
Where to next?
And I always say I don’t know. Not yet at least.
Every time I’ve thought about moving back I’ve had major hesitation and I never could explain why. Like the first quote said above, there are things – concerts, foods, conveniences – and most of all people, that I miss dearly, but it’s just not the time for me to be back yet I guess. Same reason why I couldn’t go to Korea maybe. Not yet.
And I finally realized that because I’ve been moving around, because I live outside of the country, there’s this expectation that I’m supposed to be going somewhere else. That I have some plan figured out.
But when do we ask anyone else when they will finally move out of the city, state, let alone country? When are YOU finally quitting your job?
And I guess for all of this, I don’t want anything else enough to do it right now.
On top of this, having so many goodbyes again and again were draining and so I felt like I had three options: Go home and settle. Stay in Vitoria and settle. Or go somewhere else and settle there. Throw a dart at a map and then stop moving.
WHAT WAS I THINKING? That’s not me. Minus the dart throwing.
A friend told me she doesn’t know what she’s doing with her life right now and she’s totally okay with that.
We don’t need to have all the answers. Stop comparing and thinking about what you ‘should’ be doing and know that you’re doing whatever is right for you right now. Stop stressing about figuring ‘it’ out and enjoy living. (Apparantly this is growing up in your 20s?)
As good ol’ John Lennon says, Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.