This article says what I hate to admit. I love to go places, but hate to leave. Because what I’m doing is not just a vacation, it’s not a gap-year anymore… it’s more than that. I’ve been trying to figure out where I want to be. What I want to do. And sometimes I almost figure it out, but then something else always pops up. Why can’t I just stay in one place? I didn’t stay in Wisconsin after high school. I wanted to go to Boston. I didn’t stay there after college, I wanted to go to South America, try travel and learn and try it out there. I fell in love with Chile and I think I could see myself living there long-term, but I still left. I could have found a job there instead of coming over to Spain, but I chose to come here.
I spend a lot of my time thinking about the next place and next plans instead of just BEING where I am at that moment. And it’s completely true, I’m terrified of settling somewhere and staying in one place “for good”. Why? Because then you are how you are, you live with the things you’ve grown sick of, stuck with what you dislike (even though you’ll find this anywhere and everywhere). Why are none of the places I’ve been or things I’ve done “enough” yet? Always looking for more… So much of how I change is now depending on where I go and what I do, that I forgot what it’s like to still change yourself when you just stay put!
When will I find that place where I just know it’s where I need to stay? That I can’t leave? Or will I realize that I’ve already found that place, and it’s where I need to go back to. But really, the reason I haven’t been able to choose one place to be yet is because I have made so many homes that I love for such DIFFERENT reasons. People, jobs, city, surrounding area, family. If I stay somewhere, I need to actually decide where my priorities are… and choose one over the others. Do you pick your friends? Which ones? Closer to your original home and family? A city you love? The job you love? Can you ever really have it all?